Sick Leave

I have used up my 8.5/9 sick days of the year halfway of 2017. Elon is in the process of building his immune system. Thus the every other week fever or something, constant runny nose (glad this was finally over a month ago), regular visits to my BFF Dr Morson, and my manager’s what again face when I tell her that Elon is sick yet again. When people see me at work they just ask how Elon is and if he is better. They certainly heard the news. HAHAHA! But what I discovered when we were both off on Thursday, as daycare won’t accept a child that has 38 Degree temp and up, was how awesome daycare is in creating a structure for a toddler’s schedule.

At 12 noon, like their routine at daycare, when I told him it is “sleeping time” he just went straight to the edge of the bed and laid down flat on his stomach. He pointed at the blanket and reached for my hands and placed them on his back gesturing to rub it. I was rubbing his back and left him after a couple of minutes or so and he puts himself to sleep after babbling some non sense. It is literally witnessing a miracle. DAYCARE IS AWESOME!

On a totally unrelated note, this is Elon and his acting skills put into good use. I just told him not to cross the gate and he acts like I hurt him with a belt and all. I love you, Elon!

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Elon is my pride and joy

Being a parent, you truly become all the cliche quotes, expressions and things that you have only ever heard another parent have used before. So today the expression below kept running into my head as I picture Elon happily in daycare and the anticipation of seeing his face when he picks me up (with his dad) from yoga in the afternoon: 

Children are parents’ pride and joy.

This is the purest thing I have ever said about somebody. And Elon has not done much in his life and yet he is already my pride. I remember when I was younger, I kept thinking that I have to study hard so then I can get a job and I can help my parents out. I thought that parents make babies so one day they have someone to help them out in life. Also, I study to get good grades so my parents can be proud of me. I never clarified if these things were true as the purpose of babies for my parents. But now that I am on the other side of things, I realized that none of these hold true. The only truth is that Elon is already my pride even with only 6 clear-ish words to his vocabulary. The joy part is the part that I don’t even need to explain. Just think of the charcter Joy from Inside Out and that’s basically it. 

Babies = some lack of sleep, constant tiredness, a little bit of temporary arm paralysis, constant joy

JOY is when I see him smile pointing at the bird, the squirrel and the water

JOY is when he sees a truck, a bus and he points at them amazed, eyes wide open and curious

JOY is when he says mama when he is upset and needs attention 

JOY is the excited hug and upsies at the end of the day when he sees you again like you have been gone for a year

And PRIDE is Elon, my boy. My darling my love. 

Mom Irony

Motherhood is the pure example of irony.
Wanted me time. Got me time. Missed Elon.Wanted Elon to sleep. Elon slept. Wanted to wake Elon up. Wanted to go shopping. Went shopping. Bought all things for Elon. Wanted date night. Got date night. Kept on checking up on Elon. 


What an irony I am in every situation! What have you done to me, boy. Thanks, Elon! Love you! 

For God so loved the world 

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life”


HIS ONE AND ONLY SON. I REPEAT. And for what? For me and you. Because He believes we are redeemable. I can never do it. If you tell me to choose between saving Elon versus a whole country, I would not even give it a second thought. It would be a straight up NO. But see God is not like that. He is giving and never selfish. We have a chance at eternal life because of Jesus. And today that He is risen, let us proclaim God’s love that we will never ever deserve. The greatest love ever known to exist. 

“Let us tell the world of His love the greatest love the world has known”

Let us spread the true meaning of Easter that goes beyond egg hunt and bunnies.

HE IS RISEN. 

5 minute me time

I am writing this post while I lay down on my mom’s couch waiting until the door opens and my little me time is once again over. Since becoming a “mother” to this baby boy, I can never really remember a time that I was alone – figuratively and physically. I go to the bathroom and there Elon is. I go to the kitchen, poof there he is at the end of my tail. 

I have come to terms that this would go on for about 3 more years maybe until he no longer sees me as the most interesting person in the world. So I am not complaining. I actually LOOOOVE it. Ooops and here they are now.. was that 5 or more like 3 minutes of me time? Okay next time! 

MAMA AND ELON 5EVER!!!

Limitless 

Inspired by Daily Post. 

Zootopia is one of my favorite animated films this year. I cry every time I watch the part where Judy Hopps trains to become a police officer and she gets over her weaknesses. I may have watched it at least 10 times. And as you know, the ending just proves her line “In Zootopia, anyone can be anything”. 

You are limitless. 

Growing up, I have been told to manage my expectations. This is a good thing. I am deemed to be realistic. Fairy tales are not true. The probability of me going to space is zero. Winning the lottery is next to impossible. Managing expectations too much can also lead to negativity. What you initially thought as unrealistic expectations  become your cannot’s. I cannot live in Canada, it’s too cold. I cannot save up, my salary’s too little. I cannot go back to school, I have to work so I can pay the bills. I cannot own a business, it’s too risky. I cannot have a child yet, I am not ready. 

Maybe the reason I cry for Judy Hopps’ success is because she was able to turn her cannot’s to can’s. Although a tiny spec in a world full of giants, she was limitless. She became who she wanted to be. And this is what I want Elon to know. He may not be Steve Jobs or Elon Musk in his lifetime but he can try. He might be even more, who knows. The important thing is he does not limit himself. No matter how small he think he is, if he can think it, it means it can be done. 

He will be limitless. 

Who transforms you? 

Today, the daily prompt word is TRANSFORMATION.

 

First thought: Is it because it’s Tuesday? HAHA. Anyway, the actual first thing that comes to my mind when prompted about this word is MAKE UP. But I would have to tell you that I am not going to talk about it, for the simple reason that I know very little of it. I am going to talk about what I know a little bit more: MOTHERHOOD. MOTHERHOOD: so clichè, so simple, so easy. These are the things that I thought it was. Take note: WAS. Until I had Elon, I would always think that there are far more important things in life than to stay home and fend for another tiny human being’s life who does not really do much except to sleep, eat, and poop. I even told my boss that although I am entitled to a year of maternity leave, I would only take 6 months because again, as I thought, I would not get attached. I do not need to be with the baby after 6 months. That time would be enough. And then I ate all what I said. I had to change the original plan. And now that Elon is almost one, I do not even plan to go back. Being a mother, it transforms not only you but your priorities. I have heard time and again how women have to hold back pursuing their careers because they got pregnant and ultimately have to stay home. This is the exact reason why I only said I would only take a 6-month leave. I was selfish. I said I can go and work and become who I felt I needed to be and take care of Elon later.

 

But now that he is here, I feel like I do not want to miss seeing him grow. It is the most fascinating thing of all. When he rolled over for the first time, smiled for the first time, pulled himself up for the first time, sat up for the first time, walked for the first time, kissed me for the first time, hugged me for the first time. These are things I can never witness again if I had gone back to work after 6 months of giving birth. I would have lots of regret so I am glad I stayed. He still have his list of first of things to do. And I am here to witness them all. I am transformed. My heart is full.

Tiny Bed No Problem

Prompted by DAILY POST.

I started the morning awoken by my husband who quietly asked me if he could squeeze into our bed. And by “our” I meant myself and my son’s. This was not the case 11 months back when Elon was born. When he was born as tiny as a 6-lb anything, he was okay to sleep in his crib (most of the time). After some months, he grew accustomed to sleeping in it even requesting to be in there (I know this through his cries of protest). But after a series of travelling, he never wanted to be in it, not even near the crib. Thus, our co- sleeping arrangement. Honestly, it was the best.

TOP REASONS WHY:

  • I don’t have to stand up if he cries at night wanting to be fed, to be rocked, etc.
  • I can hug this still tiny human being while sleeping.
  • I am warm while sleeping (cause those baby bods are the warmest even in winter).
  • I get to wake up looking at that cutie’s tiny face.
  • No more broken sleep: cause I am a breastfeeding momma, I have all my baby’s needs aka BOOBIES.

 

What about disadvantage? Let us begin with the daily prompt word today which happens to be TINY.

It does not matter how big your bed is, if you co-sleep, the bed is tiny. I repeat, the bed is tiny for three people – that is for you, your husband, and your baby. I have noticed that co-sleeping is normal for Filipinos. It’s the easiest thing, they said. I have tried not to do it for fear of SIDS, as per my doctor. But now that my baby is big enough not to be squished by either Edward or I, I am more comfortable to sleep beside him. The result is a bed filled with a tiny human with a tiny space available for his Mama. Only for Mama. Edward and I sleep in separate beds for now. For how long you ask? I am not sure. So far, this arrangement works for us. Our family doctor advised that this might not be the best arrangement for husband and wife. But if wife is getting the sleep she needs, husband will get the same too – given he sleeps early too. In the beginning of this co-sleeping arrangement, Edward would tell me that we should re-train Elon back to sleeping in his crib. We even moved his crib beside our bed, only to no avail. Sometimes I would feel the same way as Edward’s but my thoughts would lead me to this question:

When is he every this tiny again and would want to sleep beside me?

Well, not when he is twelve, for sure. Time lost can never be returned so I am living the moment. I know some would say re-train him now before it’s too late. Let us be. Let me complain about it later. And I would let you tell me “I told you so”.

– Happy Co-Sleeping Momma

Elon is 5 months!

  Happy 5 months, Elon!

Although taking care of you is sometimes challenging (not hard!), my love always outweighs it all. 

When I sleep at night, I always remember to pray because I have to ask God to keep you away from SID. I also re-watch your videos from my phone and Snapchat. And I also look at all your pictures from my phone. You are an addiction. 

You have only seen this world for 5 months but I can’t imagine living the rest of it not knowing and meeting you. 

I wish I can say more but sometimes, like today, you just cried and it seems that there was no way of soothing you. What are you feeling exactly? Are you hungry? Tired? Is your diaper wet? Are you hot? Cold? I almost wanted a time out of parenting. I wanted to let you cry so you can sleep from exhaustion. I wanted to get out of the house and come back tomorrow. 

Now you stopped. I have to thank my sister for that. I had a break. And now I am writing this post. Now I am feeling slightly okay because I know that this is only one of your phases. It will pass. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow might be better or worse but we will be together for a looooong time (until of course you started walking, then pre-school, then elementary, then dating, then moving out.. Oh gosh, getting ahead of myself here). Neither of us can do anything about it because I am your mother. And you are my son. 

Baby, you know I will love you until the end of my time through your dramas, tantrums, and the hardest of all, your refusal to nurse. Love you, Elon. 

Written yesterday, 20th of April 2016, at 5ish in the evening. Elon is better today, 21st of April. Haha

One Sweet Morning 

Elon,

 
When you were still inside my tummy, I did not think much of you. If I were to assess myself, I would say I was still 10/10 selfish during those days. I would eat well for you but I would walk for myself (because I wanted an easy delivery). I would talk to you but only for a little bit. I would pray for your overall well-being but nothing further detailed than that. As you got bigger and more prominent inside of me, it started to hit me that maybe I would lose that 10/10 selfishness. I thought, hey maybe my selfishness would be lowered to 8/10. As you kicked and moved around, it became 7/10 of selfishness. I started to think about you more and less of myself. I looked for baby socks, bibs, and some small stuff that would probably be useful for you.

But my selfishness had dropped more when we got a scare that you might have a blood abnormality – I have been a carrier of this blood anomaly. There was a recessive blood trait that had not affected me but could affect you in a bad way.

I had sleepless nights praying that you be spared of whatever this abnormality is. Your dad had to be tested to be sure you won’t have it. Waiting for the result was the worst. I almost can’t function properly googling everything about the “disease” and the what-could-have’s. This was when my selfishness dropped to a low 3/10. You know how in movies Mommy will be like, “let me be sick instead of my child?” I was like that. I would take that disease if I could.

Fortunately, results turned out fine. You were to be okay. I did not have to take anything for you. I returned to my normal selfish ways being 4/10. I would buy clothes for myself. I would plan trips for your dad and myself without really acknowledging that you were there. I was happy being “free”. But when you got so big and showed yourself, I moved, as if I knew I had to get ready for you. I bought you your crib, stroller, blankets, hats, and everything I read that you needed. I was closing in to 2/10.

It was 2/10 because I had this selfish thought that I just wanted you out of my body so I can work on fitting into my skinny jeans again. I was slowly hating my bloated face, my can’t breathe state when I walk my usual pace to catch the train, and every rounder part of my body. I want you gone inside of me. I was still selfish.

And in all honesty, this selfishness was not exactly gone when you were born. I still had the selfishness of thinking how to get my old body back, to wear my hair down when going out (need it up to feed you), and to wear nicer clothes (and not the nursing friendly tops).
You know son when all these feelings were finally gone and the selfishness score dropped to 0/10?   The first morning when you woke up without crying and you smiled at me as if to say good morning. I thought you actually knew who I was. The smile was not some random smile related to gas anymore like the first few months. The smile meant something and was an assigned emotion. I remember picking you up from your crib to our bed. Your dad was still sleeping but I was already awake. You opened your eyes. You recognized that I was not just your source of food. You knew I was family. I have never seen someone’s eyes lit up with so much joy and admiration as if I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Despite my morning face, my morning breath, my disheveled hair, you looked at me and you smiled and you made me feel I am prettier than Kate Middleton and Princess Diana combined. Your dad never made me feel that way, but you did – with one big smile eyes wide open in that one winter morning at 6AM.  

 
From then, I accepted that my life would never be normal again, the way I knew what normal was. And I was okay with life not being normal if it means with you in it, Elon.

And if this life was a movie I would tell you, “I would always take a bullet for you” and risk my character being cut off from a happy ending. At least I was lucky enough to get casted in your movie and have my name on the closing credits.

I love you, Elon.




Always proud to be your mom,

Ericka