I love you Jesus!

I have always been a worrier.

When I was younger, I would worry for days before the school announces the list of achievers. I had to be at least in the top 3 of my class. I would worry about getting A’s instead of B’s. I would push myself to compete with boys in PE because I wanted to be the best and would worry if I am not. I would compare myself with others and would be so disappointed when I am not one of the best at some things. I like being good in whatever I am doing and I like validations.

I have toned these things down when I came to Toronto and realized that I am just a tiny speck in this big planet and that my worries do not really matter. But when I became a mother, naturally, my worries started again with Elon.

Is Elon developing okay? Is he eating the right type of food? Is his poop normal? Is his head supposed to be this big? Is he a late crawler? Oh my god he is not even rolling over yet and he is 6 months already. What is going on? Why does not he know colours? Why does he say so little? I don’t understand his words. Is he colour blind?

I would always compare him with others not thinking about how Elon would feel if he actually understands his mother’s worries. What I failed to see is all his achievements and strong points.

He is a very active boy. His gross motor skills is at par with kids older than his age group. He walked at 9th going to his 10th month. He plays well with other kids. He shares with other kids. He is fearless and not afraid to try again when he fails. He is strong and independent. And he definitely knows what he likes and doesn’t like.

But what I wanted to share with you is the story tonight:

I started teaching Elon how to pray. So we started praying Angel of God together before going to bed. Tonight, as I finished reciting the prayer and was about to wrap it up, Elon just said “I love you Jesus”. The I love you Jesus was said, without being prodded to, by a 2 year old. This made my heart so happy. I mentioned this phrase to him not a lot of times and yet he learned it. He said it without me telling him to. I was proud at that moment so obviously he was smothered by a lot of kisses.

Now why would I worry when obviously God is in charge? Even Elon knows it in his tiny heart. I love you Jesus! And I don’t care if Elon only knows the colour Yellow.

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Mother’s Day

I remember becoming a mother for the first time like it was yesterday. 

I was raised with dealing with situations as they come. I was never really prepared for anything. Sure when I started school, my mom would buy me the uniform, school shoes, school supplies, etc. But there was hardly ever a talk about what to expect ie that you can get bullied, come home with a scraped knee, low morale, and broken dreams (you know with knowledge comes limitations). You go along and you discover things by yourself – your crush would not like you back, some people that you want to be friends with do not want you in their circle and suff like that.

Naturally, when I learned that I would become a mother, I have no whatsoever preparation except the essential things like crib, baby clothes, some formula, and lots of diapers. I prepared myself for the worst – lots and lots of pain. What I did not prepare was the lots and lots of joys in return. My life has never had so much joy before Elon. Better than getting in UP. Better than passing my driver’s license. The joy my child brings is insurmountable. He can’t do much and he drives me crazy and sometimes I want to “ship him off to the zoo” but he is my joy in this lifetime.

I look at Elon and my heart is automatically filled with gratefulness. He makes me realize all the things I have without making me want anything else.

We never prayed for this child but God already knew we needed him. He is our Elon, our joy, our boy.

Elon, I am the at my proudest as your mother.

A Quiet Place

I was very eager to watch the movie A Quiet Place since I’ve seen the trailer. I love watching Horror movies although it scares me to death. The entertainment value is worth the energy of stress I get from it. But man if you ask me how the movie was, the first thing I would tell you is that it was so SAD!

SPOILER AHEAD!!

First 10 minutes, my heart cried. I cannot move on when the kid died. I felt like I was robbed of the time to move on when they did not even give me the time to mourn the death. It was so quick. I was sudden. And they were not able to do anything about it. It happened right in front of their faces!!! Naturally, I kept thinking about Elon, how the kid sort of looked like Elon(or maybe it’s just my imagination), how small Elon is, how I miss him while I selfishly watch this movie on a Friday night instead of spending time with him, and all throughout I was like how can the family just move on like that after a year? But eventually, when the mourning time finally came, I cried my eyes out with no shame. Akala ko naman horror yung quiet place, hindi ako nainform drama pala!

Guys, I have not recommended movies in a while but if you have time to spare watch this one- sooooo soooo good!!❤

Expansion

Come, come into my home

Come, come into my life

Stay, stay in my heart

Having a kid not only means the expansion of your home, your pocket, and your waistline, but the most important expansion of all is your heart.

My heart expanded ten times than expected because of Elon. I do get tired taking care of him but I do not get tired thinking about him. What is he doing? Is he having fun? What activities should we do together? Will he like the books I bought for him? What does he want to eat later? What else does he need? Is he warm enough? Is he wearing his gloves?

I pick up Elon from daycare and he gets all excited like I went to space and didn’t see him for like 10 years. He is like a dog wagging his tail as soon as he sees me. The only difference is that this one actually talks to say “mama”. He longs for me like I long for him and my heart expands even more. Children are the best example of reciprocity. They give you what you give them. They show you what you show them. And they tell you what you tell them.

My heart is in continuous expansion because of this boy. My heart is huge and happy.

As you get older

As you get older, they say that your circle becomes smaller. I guess that is true. There were your closer friends who are now are not as close. There are some that still keeps in touch but barely hanging on. There are some who’s present when they need something from you. There are new relationships but you kind of think that maybe it’s only for a phase and they’re not going to last. It kind of reminds you that you were born alone, you die alone. The only circle that MAYBE would not go away is your family but even that is not for sure.

As you get older, you tend to compartmentalize your thoughts, your actions and even your emotions. Not everything is meant to be shared because you have to be responsible for other people and for yourself. It’s respect and self control.

As you get older, you learn to value your health cause you finally understand that what you once thought to be invincible is not – that’s you. You are not invincible. You have to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Rest. Hydrate. Eat healthy. Exercise. Exercise is so good and enjoyable once you know what kind you like. I like yoga. The body is like a car. You might have been the newest model before but there’s always wear and tear. If you don’t maintain it, it’s not going to serve you well.

As you get older, you sort of know better what kind of life you want to lead. I want a simple, honest, and happy life with a family that enjoys at least one meal together in a day.

As you get older, you know what holds true and important for you. And you know people’s opinions? They don’t shake you. You know who you are what you believe in. Nobody can make you do something that you do not want to do. Drinking is not for me. Although I wanted to enjoy it. I may or may not be allergic to alcohol (is there a test to prove this) but it is not something I enjoy. I would never try smoking and tattoos.

As you get older, you accept being boring and actually enjoy it. You accept that it is not always an adventure out there. You pace yourself and you take time to appreciate, really appreciate the moments. They will never be the same. Once it passed, it’s gone forever.

As I get older, I want to thank you, yes you, because you are still reading this so that means we’re still probably connected in some way.

Hang tight!

-E

Elon and the birds

You are probably thinking, "but where's the birds?"

Exactly my point.

We went to Bird Kingdom thinking that because Elon loves birds so much (it's one of his real first words), he would definitely enjoy being in an aviary. Aviary, as Edward defines it, is a zoo for birds. Right? To put it in simple terms, that is.

Upon checking into the Bird Kingdom, Elon immediately clung unto me and did not want to walk for the rest of our "exploration" of this zoo for birds. We did not bring the stroller as he enjoys walking (most of the time or so we thought).

What got him excited is the *drum roll please* water!!! – the freaking water from the falls, the water from the pretend pond, basically, all that is water makes him giddy like his usual Elon self. He saw the water from the pond and he suddenly wanted to walk, climb and touch the "tutur".

Thanks a LOT, son! I honestly thought and expected you were going to enjoy the birds and not the water.

PS- Bird Kingdom is actually a good family activity. I paid $30 for Edward and myself. Elon goes in for free. It will take about less than two hours to see all that they have to offer and take photos. They do not allow personal photos for the animal interaction and bird feeding. Those ones you have to pay extra if you want the copy of your photos which they take for you.

Well as long as Elon enjoyed – be it the water or birds – is fine by us. He is our gold.

End of Day

Sometimes at the end of the day you just think of some sentimental thing. Like today I think, what is my purpose? I thank God for another day and prayed that whatever purpose He has for me let me discover it. It maybe as simple as raising Elon and seeing my grandkids all good and happy one day while all wrinkly with Edward. If that is it, what a lovely purpose it is. For now, let me enjoy the present. 

Good night!

Sick Leave

I have used up my 8.5/9 sick days of the year halfway of 2017. Elon is in the process of building his immune system. Thus the every other week fever or something, constant runny nose (glad this was finally over a month ago), regular visits to my BFF Dr Morson, and my manager’s what again face when I tell her that Elon is sick yet again. When people see me at work they just ask how Elon is and if he is better. They certainly heard the news. HAHAHA! But what I discovered when we were both off on Thursday, as daycare won’t accept a child that has 38 Degree temp and up, was how awesome daycare is in creating a structure for a toddler’s schedule.

At 12 noon, like their routine at daycare, when I told him it is “sleeping time” he just went straight to the edge of the bed and laid down flat on his stomach. He pointed at the blanket and reached for my hands and placed them on his back gesturing to rub it. I was rubbing his back and left him after a couple of minutes or so and he puts himself to sleep after babbling some non sense. It is literally witnessing a miracle. DAYCARE IS AWESOME!

On a totally unrelated note, this is Elon and his acting skills put into good use. I just told him not to cross the gate and he acts like I hurt him with a belt and all. I love you, Elon!

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Elon is my pride and joy

Being a parent, you truly become all the cliche quotes, expressions and things that you have only ever heard another parent have used before. So today the expression below kept running into my head as I picture Elon happily in daycare and the anticipation of seeing his face when he picks me up (with his dad) from yoga in the afternoon: 

Children are parents' pride and joy.

This is the purest thing I have ever said about somebody. And Elon has not done much in his life and yet he is already my pride. I remember when I was younger, I kept thinking that I have to study hard so then I can get a job and I can help my parents out. I thought that parents make babies so one day they have someone to help them out in life. Also, I study to get good grades so my parents can be proud of me. I never clarified if these things were true as the purpose of babies for my parents. But now that I am on the other side of things, I realized that none of these hold true. The only truth is that Elon is already my pride even with only 6 clear-ish words to his vocabulary. The joy part is the part that I don't even need to explain. Just think of the character Joy from Inside Out and that's basically it. 

Babies = some lack of sleep, constant tiredness, a little bit of temporary arm paralysis, constant joy

JOY is when I see him smile pointing at the bird, the squirrel and the water

JOY is when he sees a truck, a bus and he points at them amazed, eyes wide open and curious

JOY is when he says mama when he is upset and needs attention 

JOY is the excited hug and upsies at the end of the day when he sees you again like you have been gone for a year

And PRIDE is Elon, my boy. My darling my love. 

Mom Irony

Motherhood is the pure example of irony.
Wanted me time. Got me time. Missed Elon.Wanted Elon to sleep. Elon slept. Wanted to wake Elon up. Wanted to go shopping. Went shopping. Bought all things for Elon. Wanted date night. Got date night. Kept on checking up on Elon. 


What an irony I am in every situation! What have you done to me, boy. Thanks, Elon! Love you!