We all have tragedies in our lives. Some are more grueling than others. The pain and our tolerance for it is something that depends on us. Tragedies do not only include a death or a breakup. When someone you care about moves away and you don’t get to see him or her like you used to, I would consider that as a tragedy too. Don’t you think?
Ways of coping vary from rebellion, shopping, overworking, working out, etc. Well, mine is cleaning and organizing. I obsess on orderliness in our house. I want every one’s bed to be made as soon as they get out of it. I want the fridge to be stocked properly, the kitchen to be rid of dirty plates, the clothes to be sorted out, the phone chargers to be placed under the assigned cabinet, and most of all I want all the plastic bags to be folded properly so we can re-use them for future needs. I know, I am so anal.
Some do not even realize that what they are obsessing about is actually their way of coping. Like Marlin, Nemo’s dad, who proves to have a more unconventional way by swimming halfway around the world just to get over the loss of his family. You can read more here. I am in shock knowing that Nemo may not even be real. I am scarred for life.
That is Marlin’s story, now let me share to you mine. This is the story of a boy meets girl. The girl has to move away. They need to live in two different countries on the far end of the universe. They try to make it work. The story is still in process. This is only the beginning.
I felt the sadness kicking in early but I shrugged it off by becoming busy. I packed. I went out with friends. I watched a lot of shows. I went shopping. I went to the beach. But they were all useless once I realized that our time was coming to an end. I did not want May 14 to come. I wanted the calendar to skip it. But there it was.
When the day came, the truth was, I was more anxious than sad. I was anxious because there were so many troubles that happened even before I boarded the plane. I think that God was behind it. God made me anxious so I would not be a drama queen in the airport crying like a sick dying puppy. Thank you God for saving me.
When I finally boarded the plane going to my connecting flight to Japan, I still felt nothing. My head was somewhere I did not know. I was scared. I was scared because I was anticipating another trouble come Japan. And there were lots actually. You know where and when I felt sadness? It was when the plane was taking off Narita airport. I was on the window seat. I can see the Japanese airport getting little and little until I can’t see it anymore. And it was then when I missed you.
I could have shared all the troubles with you and we can laugh about it later on. I could have made you eat the hash brown I was not able to finish when I went to eat at McDonald’s where I did not understand a single thing on their menu. I could have let you push the cart which was so heavy with my carry- on baggage. We could have sat there together in the lounging area until our flight has been called out. We could have enjoyed the massage chair that I did not even dared to operate. We could have been clueless together. You could have been there with me when I camped out in the airport desperately clutching to my belongings cause I was shit scared travelling alone. I could have asked you to come with me when I exchanged my dollars for yen and you would have told me why I did not research in advance that the Narita airport does not accept dollars. We could have waited for the bus together transferring to the terminal where our flight would be the next day. I could have told you to wait for me outside the washroom while I brushed my teeth. I could have asked you which was a better souvenir between a keychain and a green tea kitkat for my friends. But you were not there. I wanted you to be there. But I realized you could not be there. We were not allowed to be together, at least not yet.
I guess the universe is playing tricks on us constantly pushing and pulling us back and forth toward and against each other. But you know what? We got this one. And I wish in every shooting star, in every five-leaf clover, no matter how cheesy it may sound, that you and I can reach our goals and be together once again. I miss you everyday.