Breaking up is hard to do

Inspired by the Daily Post.

Edward was my first and last boyfriend. I never had the chance to have more. And I thank God for that. But don’t you want to know what it feels like not to have an ex?

10 Thoughts/Feelings of a Person Without An Ex

1. When I was getting married, I did not have any thoughts like, “I wonder how my ex feels now that I am getting married” or “should I even invite my ex to my wedding?”

My thoughts during my wedding were more of “will everyone wear white or black?” “I will be really mad if someone does not comply with the dress code” “I want to have a very good picture that I can post on Instagram” “Why the hell do I have a pimple on my cheek on my wedding?” “I hope someone cries during my wedding other than myself”

2. When my friends talk about their exes, my comments only range from “yeah” and then nod to “ooh” and “aah” or better yet “tell me more” since I sincerely wanted to know more and live vicariously through them.

When my friends pour out their feelings about their past lovers, I sat there intently waiting for my turn to participate but just like some of my debate classes, I found myself mute and unable to say anything. The good part is, I get to know break up stories through others without really being through that pain. But I have some of my own.

3. I never had the chance to dramatically return gifts to an ex lover.

During the course of a relationship, we acquire tokens of love that we call as gifts. And when the relationship is over, these things remind us of our exes so it hinders our moving on phase. In TV shows, they sometimes burn the things to be more dramatic or throw it on a cliff or something but in real life, I saw how some of my friends just return the gifts they had received to completely move on with their lives. If I was given a car, I would not give it back even when the relationship is over. A gift is a gift. Period.

4. My boyfriend never had any issues with me being really over my ex cause I had none. 

There’s always the issue of comparison among relationships that my friends had and currently have. Sometimes, it is the cause of arguments cause one party will say that the other party is not over with the ex. But for me, the only thing that I am not over with is the latest KDrama I have seen. No person you have to be jealous about except Do Min Joon-Xi.

5. I sometimes feel like that the person I date should also be a person who never had an ex so we can be ex-less together. 

Edward had some known exes to me and whenever they are brought up, it sometimes makes me sad knowing I am not the first person he’s been in love with while I only had him in my love life. I honestly often think that it is unfair but also utterly boring. So to this date, I have turned a blind eye about his exes because they were called ex for a reason.

6. I cling hard to TV show/movie couples since I wanted their love to be the first and last. 

I ship TV show/movie couple who have had a long history of dating in the show. If someone new comes in, I do not watch the show anymore and pray that the rating would drop so they can bring back the original couple. Like Nathan and Haley, Stefan and Elena, Joaquin and Chichay, Peeta and Katniss, Wade and Zoe, Blair and Chuck, Edward and Ericka… Naaah.

7. It is difficult for me to move on.

When Blair and Chuck broke up in Gossip Girl, I swear to God, I took a hiatus watching the show cause I can’t take it. When Haley went away for her tour and she left Nathan, I swear, I fast forwarded the episodes just to skip parts where Nathan had to cry so much cause of what the writers made Haley do! When Peeta was kept in the Capitol, I almost lost interest in finishing Mockingjay cause my heart aches so much for him and Katniss. Seriously, I am only talking about fictional characters too. Maybe this is why God never wanted me to have an ex cause probably I won’t be able to move on until I’m 80! Thank you Lord you know me too well.

8. I do not do comparisons of lovers. I only have one and I am deeply contented being with him.

One is enough. Two is too much. Three is a poison. I do not need to go on canvassing for the best lover. I found the one and one is enough. They asked me, “how do you know yours is the best if you have not tried another?” I simply said, “’cause you have not tried mine yet”

Which leads to…

9. I have no problems in choosing who my best lover is. He’s the best I ever have.

Less is more. You know what they say about having more choices? It’s paralyzing. Read on. Same with love. I feel like it brings me happiness knowing I have no problems answering uncomfortable questions like “Who is the best among your exes” or “If you were to go back, who would you give a second chance to?” NOOOOO!! I only want one person for me. And that is Edward!

10. I don’t have what ifs. 

I guess what I am just trying to say is that, when we are are in a present relationship, let us leave the past behind. Let us focus on the present and let it be. Letting it be is a sign of respect towards your present and your past. It means that you have made peace with all the decisions you have made and you are fine sticking with it. No what ifs only what it is.

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