Dear Tito Cery

Why do I always dream of you?

Maybe our family’s bond is so strong, that up to the opposite side of the world, I feel our connection. Well it is not only me and you know that. Why do I feel so much sadness when in fact when you left, we were not even that close anymore. I tried to think why I feel lonely and I figure maybe it is because of the stories. When someone’s gone, and I am not talking about death, just gone, like somebody moved, or somebody left, you remember the stories. You remember the history of the person – your history with the person and the person’s history among a whole bunch of other persons. You also think of the future of the person. You think what you could have done together – your plans together. I think of you as a story – a very beautiful and heart-warming story that I can always read when I want to. I cannot say that I am sorry you were gone early. Time has always been relative and from whom should I be comparing your time from? Every time I think about how you were, how we were and I hear stories from others about you, it makes me cry that sometimes I get a very deep ache in my heart. Then I think about Janina and J – must be harder for them than it is for me. But I won’t even bring up your wife’s feelings. That is beyond what I can imagine. When I think of you, I think of sad open ended movies. You know, those that leave me thinking for days, forcing me to think of a reflection blog to write about and me ending up not having to move on for days.

How do I move on from a broken heart that is not even meant for me?

I would tell my son about you, the stories he won’t even relate to. I pray for you everyday. I believe you are in a better place but should I be saying it to your family when the place they want you is beside them? I know you were happy when you went because we all knew all along that you have the simplest of dreams. You made us believe in miracles and you let us witness God’s grace through you. I am lucky to call you family and to have an actual time together with you – my son won’t, unfortunately. I will think of you during plane rides. I will think of you when I am late for a flight and I am the only person who has not boarded the plane yet. I will think of you whenever I drive. I will remember how you used to drive us around that red car. I will think of you as the most generous person on Earth — always giving, always kind. I will think of you running, free, happy and always laughing on the other side. I will think of you. I will always think of you. And how you were. And how you will always be my Dadu Zerie and I, your EA.

From someone who is not even your own but loved like one anyway,


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