As I listen to The Sea by HAEVN not knowing or understanding the lyrics but just being emotional with the music it brings my momma heart, I think about Elon and imagine the exact moment when I dropped him off this morning. And although I am working on writing my research deck about unique visitors for certain websites and apps (I work in media), my thoughts transport me back to a memory this morning that seems like part of a movie.
Edward and I dropped off Elon and because it was almost close to 9, the kids were already on their way to the playground. This is their morning routine (part of it when the weather allows it). I hand over Elon to the teacher as he was dressed already for outside weather. He held on to me and said “Mama, stay”. He clings onto me like I was his comfort and that he needed me to be happy. That no play equates to me being there. I kissed him and said that I will just drop off his bag inside the room and that I will be back. I did and was back after a couple of minutes.
I saw him inside the gated playground as he held onto the gate while I blew him kisses. He only said one word – we both felt sadness of needing to part. “Mama” he said. I had to turn my back and walk towards the car where Edward was waiting because, my god, if I didn’t, I would have called in sick and took him home and sniffed and cuddled him the whole day.
That was not the heartbreaking part, the saddest part was while Edward and I drove away, I saw my baby running towards us, trying to find a way to get out of that gated box where he would stay for a couple hours more as we succumb to the daily routine of life.
I felt a strong feeling to write this out so I don’t forget. Don’t let me forget.
HOLD STEADY as the song says, hold steady..