…is just another way to say
I’ll always love you so
Yes that’s the Barry Manilow song.
But I am using this line for Elon. Because yesterday he did a beginner trial for basketball kids. It was 6-7 in the evening and that was also Eden’s bedtime. I had to miss it (let go) although I super wanted to be there. When you have children, you always want to be there and experience things with them as they try things for the first time. For the longest time, because Elon has been our only child for 5 years, I have been there for most of his firsts.
I was there during the heartbreaking daycare drop off
I was there during the giddy kindergarten line up
I was there during his first steps, first time to roll over, first words he said
I was there during his first time ice skating
I was there during his first plane ride
I was there during his first smile, first laugh, first joke
I was there during the first time he started to read
I was there when he started to swim unassisted
Man I can go on and on and on and on..
We spent each night of his life together only parting one night when I gave birth to Eden. And that was really the start of my letting go of Elon, of who he once was, my only child. No longer my baby but an someone’s big brother who can be depended on. When Eden was born, with a snap, he suddenly matured.
Started sleeping in his own bed in his own room
No cries during school drop offs
Wiping away mama’s kisses
Playing with friends in the playground instead of mama
Leading our way during walks and hikes
Helping me out at home with all the things I need to get for Eden
Patiently going about his day and waiting for me as I finish all things Eden
I would sometimes be surprised of the way he would communicate and of the boundless things he learn everyday. I feel like I have been missing him more and our time together since Eden came along. But as the song says, I have to let go because it’s another way to say I will always love him so.
This is my letting go of my baby as he becomes more and more independent of me. Teaching kids independence (but it hurts not being needed!) is a parent’s way to showcase love. It is an acknowledgement that although they cannot always be around their kids, with the built independence, children can always take on things with their own understanding of the world.