Elon is 4 months! 

 

  • Elon has been baptized as a Roman Catholic 
  • Elon is 20 lbs and 70 cm
  • Elon can self soothe by sucking on his whole fist or thumb 
  • Elon can put  himself to sleep
  • Elon is able to entertain himself
  • Elon wears size 4 diapers
  • Elon wears 9-12 months baby’s clothes; 12-24 months in some
  • Elon loves to sit with support 
  • Elon sleeps through the night 
  • Elon eats/drinks less milk and looks intently at solid food when mom and dad eats – he had a taste of some 
  • Elon can grasp at toys, hair and other body parts (watch out!)
  • Elon gets excited during story time in the morning when he wakes up and before bed at night 
  • Elon is interested in other people’s faces
  • Elon is interested in everything around him
  • Elon is easily distracted by the world
  • Elon experiments with different noises and sounds other than crying and laughing 
  • Elon giggles when you toss him lighltly and when you tickle him
  • Elon smiles when you try to put your face close to his
  • Elon can hold his head for a long period of time 
  • Elon can shift to his side but not all the way to his tummy yet
  • Elon loves being talked to
  • Elon loves mommy and daddy playtime
  • I love you too baby! 

Elon is 3 months!

 

  • Elon is 3 months 
  • Elon has a longer playtime
  • Elon sleeps longer at night and more frequent shorter span of time during the day
  • Elon is 19lbs and 65 cm long 
  • Elon smiles and coos a lot
  • Elon loves bath time 
  • Elon had reverse roll over
  • Elon loves to sleep now in his crib
  • Elon is easier to be put down to sleep
  • Elon is wearing size 3 diapers 
  • Elon can hold his head for a longer period of time
  • Elon can prop himself upright while sitting with the support of some pillows on his back and side
  • Elon wears size 9-12 baby clothes
  • Elon loves to be carried and rocked to sleep
  • Elon can see colors and shapes farther
  • Elon does a funny face when he smells strong scented perfume
  • Elon loves to put his hand to his mouth and suck it 
  • Elon loves the sound of the vacuum
  • Elon imitates faces of people talking to him
  • Elon shrills his frustrations when he does not get enough sleep 
  • Elon is growing well
  • Elon is adorable and my baby boy

Latching on to you

Since I will be on house arrest this week — Elon and I had the fever — I would like to write about some things that I have been meaning to write about for so long now. For a while, I have been thinking how to share my breastfeeding journey. I have a draft of a timeline. I have another with all the terms that I learned about it. But last night, as I breastfeed Elon for the nth time, I have decided that I am going to share how breastfeeding is the most beautiful thing a mother can give and a child can take and the pain that came along with it.

As a disclaimer, I would like to point out that I am not shaming or judging mothers who don’t breastfeed because we have different circumstances in life. Some really can’t, even when they wanted to. 

I am Elon’s source of food. I am his one and only. From his first day, he was latching on to me. When he first did, I was playing the song “Now I’ve got you in my space, I won’t let go of you.. Got you shackled in my embrace. I’m latching on to you” in my head. It was a beautiful thing. 

I thought that Disclosure song was so on point in describing how breastfeeding was.. Until it hurt like a female dog. At first it was really beautiful, so beautiful I would want to wake sleeping Elon up from his sleep but it changed to I didn’t want Elon to cry out for food. The song in my head suddenly became the intro to Beethoven’s 5th symphony “dun dun dun dunnnnn..”

Oh boy was breastfeeding a taxing thing to do. Elon and I try to be in sync with his latch on and me trying to insert my boob into his teeny tiny mouth. It was exhausting and frustrating. But the thing that makes the background music go dun dun dun dun was the pain. The pain it caused the first few weeks made me question why did I have a baby. Yes it does not sound good to hear but I had these questions when I felt the pain. I guess I was not strong of a woman enough. I questioned what have I gotten myself into when I could have been out and enjoying other things except from breastfeeding. It was evil. And I feel guilty every time I remember those moments of weakness. 

Breastfeeding became emotionally and physically draining for me. Even straightening my back hurt my boob. Imagine that tiny stretch of my back hurt my boob. I felt wounded — literally and metaphorically. There were even times that even showering hurt. I had to turn my back on so the water would not hurt me. Every time I nurse, I asked God for forgiveness for the bad thoughts I was thinking. I also asked him for strength cause I know the pain would soon be over once Elon and I established the correct latch. I knew like in the Bible that “this [pain of nursing] too shall pass”. And it did. It took a month before I felt pain free. But I still had issues after. 

There was the issue of leaking cause I had too much milk. I was out one time and I felt cold although I was wearing my winter jacket. And when I checked, my winter jacket was wet from the inside because of my milk.

There was the issue of oversupply. Sometimes Elon would scream at my boobs because there was too much milk. He does not know how to handle it that he sometimes drown in it and chokes. 

There was the issue of unequal amount of milk production of my boobs because Elon had favored the right than the left. 

Then there was the issue of engorgement when the milk finally started coming in but it was not being emptied out quick enough. 

Then there was the issue of going out and not nursing Elon but using the bottle instead. Elon hates the bottle and my boobs gets too full when Elon does not empty it out. 

Some of these issues, I still battle out until now that Elon is almost three months. But I have come to terms that breastfeeding is the best and most enjoyable moment of motherhood.  This morning while I was breastfeeding Elon, he was looking straight to my eye and occasionally stopping to coo at me and smile while he eats. He started doing it when he was a month and a half. I have been looking forward for when I would nurse Elon now. Sometimes, when he plays for too long or sleeps for too long, I just want to grab him and feed him instead so I can hold him and look at him while he eats. 

Breastfeeding has become that beautiful thing where Elon and I bond and where I can freely hug and hold him to my heart’s content (Without him being fussy and all). I am so glad I did not give up on breastfeeding when it became painful. 

To all the moms struggling right now, YOU CAN DO IT! It will get better! 

And now the song in my head has been back to “I wont let go of you.. I’m latching on to you..”

Motherhood x2

Let me start not with “the woman I find most beautiful…” Too cliche. Beauty is relative. But cuteness is absolute. My mom is the cutest. Period. No questions. She is the standard when it comes to cuteness. Many people have already told me that Elon looks like my mother. And I totally agree most of the time. I was so fond of my mother that while I was pregnant with Elon, I just seem to miss her all the time. And the result was tada, Elon looks like her. They are both the cutest in their own category (baby, adult).  I am happy that at 26, I have an Elon. It is sort of a gift for my mother. She told me that she never got to enjoy me or my sister while we were babies. Now she gets to appreciate everything about Elon. She appreciates the baby smell. She appreciates Elon’s soundless laugh. She appreciates even the poop which sometimes reaches Elon’s back. Cleaning the poop is the funniest. We are sometimes clueless how to reach his back that we die of laughter while Elon sobs and begs for us to clean him. 

I am thankful that God had this perfect timing of my mom being able to see Elon. This is not because I need a babysitter but because I never expected that any of my child’s existence would get to cross my mom’s. You see, when I was younger, I had believed that my mom would have a short life span. She had been on maintenance since I can remember. Probably since I was seven. She had this random tablets I did not understand what for. And she would always have this dialogue that she would die soon. In a way, I believed her although she did not mean it. At the back of my mind, I thought that my mom can die anytime because of what she always says. But now she even have a grandson! Now her dialogue has chnaged for Elon saying that she won’t be alive for when he becomes a doctor. This one she’s probably right.

We always kid that she would only live until 75 because that’s her mother’s age when she died. Now she is turning 62. She will probably live to the age when Elon gets to be a teenager. I hope she sees his girlfriend. My mom would seem to be difficult for some people. This is because she stands up for her beliefs – which is a lot. Her beliefs actually make sense. Once I made the mistake of not following her, I would soon understand that she was right. She would not rub it in but she would remind me. 

My mom shows her love differently too. I remember in College, we had the Havaianas phase. These were the times people were obsessed with thousand peso flip flops. My mom would let me buy them although they are not the most practical. She just love me like that.  Mom, if I can be even 1/4 of the mother that you are, Elon would be lucky (but maybe less of the paranoia). I love you and I am glad to have shared this motherhood phase with you. I can’t wait for many more trips and moments we would share with Elon. And probably another Elon/Elleana 4-5 years from now. I just hope that when that time comes, you won’t be having a hard time fastening your seatbelt cursing like a sailor and stressing about not being able to see where the, as per your words, goddamn thing, connects. Happy Birthday, Lola Dods!

Elon is 2 months

  • Elon responds to his name
  • Elon smiles with his eyes and lips when you call him by his name
  • Elon is 15 lbs and 62 cm long
  • Elon is clingy
  • Elon loves bath time
  • Elon has longer playtime
  • Elon can recognize his mom and dad’s face
  • Elon communicates by smiling and sometimes with a sound short of a laugh
  • Elon loves to cuddle even when sleeping
  • Elon hates being put down on the bed, couch or his crib
  • Elon shrills when he is upset while crying
  • Elon smiles with his eyes
  • Elon knows how to make paawa with his low key cry
  • Elon loves being talked to
  • Elon loves to be held upright
  • Elon loves to kick his legs and wave his hands
  • Elon loves the kissy sound
  • Elon wears size 2 diapers
  • Elon sleeps longer at night
  • Elon can tolerate a wet diaper but not hunger

I LOVE YOU ELON!

Follow The Sun 

I love watching movies since they are, most of the time, make believe. Watching seems to offer an alternate reality during the times that I might need one. 

I have Kill Bill as my favorite movie of all time. I have loved badass female characters cause when I watch them, it makes me feel empowered — almost like I can be like them. By being like them I meant being strong (not the killing part). Recently, my taste in movies have changed. Now I lean towards movies with positive vibes. I prefer the lighter ones that would make me think good about life after watching it. Now I present you my favorite animated movie – Croods. 

This is where I got the new name for my blog – Follow The Sun. You’ll Make It To Tomorrow.  The Croods movie is all about open mindedness and staying alive for the Tomorrow. The Croods family had followed Guy and looked forward to Tomorrow and survived. We are taught to appreciate the present. And in reality, we live one day at a time. I remember in Kung Fu Panda, Master Oogway referencing the present as a gift. 

And while it is true, without looking forward to a future, sometimes we get complacent. But if we have something to look forward to we strive in the Today to make good in the Tomorrow. The Tomorrow holds a new beginning when the Today sucked.

Let my blog be a reminder to live and love the Today with an open mind and welcoming arms of making it to Tomorrow. Let us all have a beautiful Today and Tomorrow. 

To More Poutines and Caramel Sundaes 

Edward, 

You probably think this letter for our anniversary is overrated. It is true. I have written too much about you on this blog that I even have a category named “Edwards” just to store all posts about you. But I also admit that I have neglected you since Elon was born. As I write this letter, you were asking me again if I was mad at you. You have developed the habit of asking me that every night when I silently rush all chores while Elon is fast asleep. I, on the other hand, developed shushing you when you try to start a conversation because I am in a rush to sleep with Elon.

Our date nights are now watching a movie at home with the lowest audible volume with subtitles. Even that does not even reach 2 hours because I would fall asleep. Our day time dates would be the Costco runs where you would order your Poutine and I would order my Caramel Sundae. This is also the same time I am praying that Elon does not wake up from his nap while in the carrier. 

While you think that you are unappreciated, not a day goes by that I have not thanked the Lord for giving you as my partner in life. Everyday I know you go to work to provide for Elon. And everyday you struggle to make me happy. I want you to know that although it may not show, the highlight of my day is when I hear the door keys clicking at night – I know you are safe and I know you are home. The saddest part is in the morning when you say “Babe, I’m going” to which I sometimes call out “Okay love you” while breastfeeding. 

I may forget now and then to say that I love you but I hope I show it and hopefully you feel it. And although I always say that I am disappointed when you forget something or did something wrong, know that deep down, I do not mean it. I just want you to remember it for next time. Elon is lucky to have you as his father. Next Halloween, I am allowing you to use Darth Vader’s voice to tell him that. We can dress as the characters in Star Wars or even Batman. Elon can be Bane. I am calling on Rey.  

Thank you for following Elon’s schedule. Thank you for tending to my sometimes ridiculous requests that can get annoying. Thank you for playing with Elon although his cries can sometimes get discouraging. Thank you for trying. Thank you for wiping the water splatter around the bathroom sink, the toilet bowl, and the kitchen sink. Please work on remembering the humidifiers and the garbage. Thank you for being an overall good husband – not bad for a first timer. Haha!

And although you may occasionally call me the B word indirectly using your playtime with Elon, I know you only do because I did something to upset you. Happy anniversary, babe! To more Costco runs with you. I love you. 

Ericka 

A Year In Toronto

 

 

Happy one year in Toronto, Edward!  

When you came to Toronto for good to be with me, I did not think how you would like it. I was too selfish to think about that. I only thought: I want you here whether you would come to like it or not.

But seeing you now how you have come to adapt not only to the weather but also to everything else this diverse city has to offer, it was good that I have not given your adjustment period that much thought. Although you say you have not accomplished a lot after a year, think that some people who have migrated to this country would have backed out by this time. But you see you are all well and good, if not more.

You drive. You have a full time job. You provide for the family. You passed your financial advisor licensing exam. You wear a cardigan in an almost zero temperature (Wow Canadian). You have a son (major achievement!!). And you know your personal and professional goal. Knowing about what you want is the most I am proud of. Not a lot of people will come to realize this no matter which part of the Earth they are in. Remember that I am always going to support and back you up – although always with a challenge. I will be that woman behind a very successful man.

Your persistence has always been the key – even to my heart. To being successful and more! 

Baby Mama at 27

Hello World!

I am 27 and a Baby Mama.

When I was younger, below 20 perhaps, I told myself that by 28, I would get married. 28 or never was my mantra. And by 30, I would have my first kid. Fast forward today, at 27, I am already married and with a kid. I am saying this with no regrets. I loved how my life turned out to be. 

Although sometimes I feel disappointed not keeping up with the goals I have set for myself, I am most certain that this is the life God wants me to lead. No matter how hard I stir towards the life I thought I want, life stirs me somewhere else. And it is always the best because I only stir towards the good, and God stirs me towards the best.  

 Thank you Lord for letting me become a mother. Thank you for correcting my selfish ways. Thank you that for once, I put someone else’s needs first before myself. Thank you for the gift of motherhood. 

What a beautiful work of Your Hands this life is! It’s such a fascinatingly unbelievably perfectly timed masterpiece.

Rainbows and Butterflies (and a little rain)

It will be almost 60 days since Elon was born. Since day one, I have been with him 24/7. During the times that I am awake from when he was born, I looked at him, kissed him, held him, and cared for him. The rest of the times, that I am asleep, I dreamt about him. I dreamt about his sneezing face, his pouty face (this is my favorite), his paawa face, his about to cry face, and his big smiley face with eyes arched to smile as well. We take naps together. We sometimes eat together (me nursing him while I reach for a spoonful of rice). 

The longest time that he was away from me within a hundred metre range would be when he was in his crib when he sleeps for 5 hours max. And the longest I was away from him by more than 100 metres would be 5 hours max also when I had to run a bunch of errands. There was a separation anxiety I have never expected I would be feeling for this half human being. It was a feeling so fresh and foreign.

When Edward and I separated physically for that long distance relationship, I had expected myself to feel separation anxiety. This was expected from us given that we have been together for a while and then there’s a sudden change of proximity. We had been prepared, but of course, we battled the separation anxiety one day at a time. And the truth was, there were so many distractions to even think about it. 

The feeling was so different with Elon. The first time I had to leave him with my mom, I had to call every 20 minutes, if not 10. And I was only away for 2 hours for the first time. Eventually I was able to make it up to 5 hours.  

Creepy fact: Sometimes when he sleeps in my arms, I just watch him breathe. I am the overly attached mother.  

But you know what’s weird? Even Biology knows whenever I was away from Elon. Every time I was away from Elon, my boobs would know. My boobs would miss Elon. They get annoyingly and painfully engorged that I need my Elon to empty them out to make them feel better. My boobs need Elon the same way I need him. It’s funny how my boobs would know when to produce milk just when Elon would need to feed. 

I remember the first time Elon slept for 5 hours straight, my boobs woke me up. I even woke Edward up to tell him that our son was still sleeping for what seemed like a too long interval. But I knew that I needed to let the milk out because some of it even actually leaked out onto our bed already. So I peeked through Elon’s crib only to see that he was still fast asleep. I poked his cheek to make sure he was still alive and breathing, he still was. I decided to pump to relieve myself instead of waking him up. But at the back of my mind, I was wishing he would wake up (cause I wanted to hold him!!). And you know what, as if he heard my wish, he woke up before I even started pumping. Maybe it was the poke that did it though. It might also be one of those God’s gifts of unexplained connection and bond, especially that of a mother and a child. 

But in all honesty, having a kid no matter how adorable they are, it is not always adoration that you feel towards them. There are frustrations too. I learned that sometimes not all cries have to be tended. There were some that Elon has to figure out for himself. He has to self soothe. 

There was one night I got so frustrated trying to put Elon to sleep. I bathed him before 7, and fed him. If it were a good day, he would doze off while nursing. And by the time he was in his deeper sleep, I can put him down with no problem in his crib. But that one night, he was so fussy, I tried all the tricks that only crying with him worked to relieve my stress. From 7PM, the clock had turned 10PM. I was losing my mind. Until I told Elon that I am no longer putting up with his sobbing. Still awake, I put Elon down in his crib while I retreat on mine. And after 5 minutes, when the crying had finally stopped, I checked on him and he was playing. And after 10 minutes, he was fast asleep. He figured it out. He soothed himself. He needed me to give him some time and everything turned out okay.  

Having a kid seems to all be rainbows and butterflies, that’s what you see in pictures and on social media. But the truth, there are some rains in it too. There are times that I ask why. Why do I have to do it. Why can’t I soothe him. But if you ask me to be away from my baby even just for an hour, man, I would be thinking about him every minute of it. Sometimes I wish I can still put him in my tummy so I can be with him 24/7 even when he is sleeping. It’s crazy. I’m crazy. I want him all for myself.